Co-Piloting

"There's nothing like a child who believes in himself. Release them. Allow them to be who they are and be beside them as a co-pilot"- Jan Morrison (paraphrased be me)

The instructor put the marker out in front so the woman could grab it. She informed her that the marker was- for this exercise- her power. When the woman went to grab it the instructor pulled it away fast and said "oh we just don't have time today, I'll just do it." she then put the marker out again for her to grab, but pulled away fast as the woman reached for it, saying "no, no, no, you're gonna spill it." the instructor did this several times using different statements every time while pulling the marker or "power" back away from the participant. Then the instructor went and got several markers and, going to the same participant, put the marker out for her to grab again and said "we've got time, give it a try, I'll be right here if you need me." And handed her the marker. With the next marker, "it's okay if you make a mess, we can clean it up together.". And the next marker, "You do a great job trying, you don't give up!". The instructor continued until the last maker was a taken by the participant.

This exercise was done in my Positive Discipline class and it was amazing to feel the energy in the room change as the exercise went from the first part to the second. I myself was actually in tears because my heart ached for the child. For all of the children who have had this happen to them. And because even though I work really hard to maintain a positive and respectful atmosphere in my home I am completely guilty of doing this to my children.

Caleb loves to help me make food. I don't enjoy spending time in the kitchen, especially when something better is just on the horizon such as sitting and enjoying the food and having a great conversation at the table with my kids. I like to hurry and get the food made so I can enjoy them. So when Caleb comes and asks me if he can help when it's been a long day and I just want to sit and chat I am guilty of saying "I just want to get this done fast..." I can imagine that he could gather from that that I'm saying he will do it slowly or not good enough. That I don't trust him. That he may not be worth the moment it would take to allow him to do it. And the funny thing is in those moments I miss out on what could be really special time with him. Yes, I have to say it's tough with two because there's another little life usually begging for her food to be served so the pressure cooker is on and it definitely heats things up a bit for me but I know there is always some way to allow his involvement. I bet if in those moments I invited him to help before he even asks that it could go even smoother.

I adore being a mother. I think it is a huge blessing to be entrusted with another life or in my case lives. I feel alive when I'm able to give my full attention to my kids in ways that allow them to try, to make mistakes, to laugh, to explore, to fall and pick them selves back up. To learn how they were created, and what they were created for.  To watch this, to be playing a part in this, brings me a special joy that nothing else could give me. While I am passionate about so many things and I know I was created to do many things, this is the season I am in right now and I fully embrace it and know I was created for this as well. I am blessed to have this feeling cause I know a lot of moms who honestly, and transparently say they do not share this feeling. I do know that regardless of what we may be feeling about this season of motherhood (or fatherhood) we are in, we can grow our children in ways that will prepare them for the many situations they will encounter in life.

We can do it along side them, not above them.
We can do it with them, not for them.
We can do it respectfully not painfully.

What a privilege. As family we are a team. Is the game hard sometimes? Yes. Is it frustrating? Yes. Exhausting, time consuming, upsetting? Yes. Is it worth it to remain a team and work together! YES! The Positive Discipline website has so many great resources (of which I could spend so much money... I'm telling you when I'm allowed near Borders or Amazon or other similar stores hours will seem like mere seconds to me. I eat it up! If I'm being really honest (and this is kind of embarrassing so don't make fun of me) but when I was in college (for performing- this is important to know because it didn't require a lot of books) I didn't have a lot of books in my apartment. Nor did I have the Internet. What I did have was the full encyclopedia set my mom had bought when I was in forth grade. So I would kick back, and relax with one of those giant babies resting on my tummy and read away!
- can anyone say volcano? Rofl

I digress. Being a mommy is amazing, or can be amazing. So whether you love it or struggle with it here are just a few of my favorite books about being a parent (if you're interested) and have helped my journey be more fulfilling, more fun, and more relaxing:

Positive Discipline (lots of different editions),
The Power of a Positive Mom,
A Woman After God's Own Heart,
101 Things You Should Do With Your Child Before They Leave Home

(I'm not an English major so forgive the countless grammatical errors you see and will continue to see. If I fixed everything I wouldn't get anything done! (work with your kids and help them get to and stay in college, lol...I'm being serious) lol

If I don't get around to another blog before Sunday, have a Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's reading this! You are all uniquely gifted and created to be your child or children's mommy and you are doing a great job! (well... probably, I mean...I don't really know who I'm talking to so I want to be honest lol)

Thanks again for reading!